


Whumptober Collection

by RagChinaDoll



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Gen, Hurt Benji, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Anguish, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Panic Attacks, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-23 12:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16158785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RagChinaDoll/pseuds/RagChinaDoll
Summary: A collection of prompts from my first Whumptober attempt.





	1. Better This Way (Stabbed)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking an interest in these little stories. They're mostly all stand alone but some may feed into the next chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy, and sorry for any pain they induce.

 

He must have reached the fourth hour by this point. There was no way for him to see for certain how long he had been sat here each breath pained as he pulled them into his lungs. In the first hour he had learned not to take too deep a breath as it only caused his wound to seep blood quicker. In the second he'd convinced himself help would be here soon. As, what he expected to be, the fourth hour grew on he convinced himself this would be where he'd die. 

"Better this way." he murmured not for the first time. 

As morbid as it seemed, he was grateful to die here. 

It wasn't a bad place to spend his last existing moments in. A sweet lived in family home with bright coloured walls and furniture that matched an optimistic tone. The kind of house he always imagined himself settling down in after retiring or meeting the right person to live the rest of his life with. Shelves filled with books that had clearly been read. Photo frames on the walls detailing a life with a growing family. A typical american household he had always seen in movies. 

A pang of guilt flooded though him at the though of the family they had tricked out of here. The couple, whose master bedroom he'd ruined the carpet off, and their family where away enjoying the free all expenses paid vacation the wife had won in a raffle she never entered. The second their car had turned at the end of the road the team had been in and set the house up as they place of operation for the mission.

The place would be fixed before they arrived home which was a relief. He would have hated the thought of scarring them in such as way should they return home to discover this mess. The cleaners would step in and the family would be none the wiser to the three men who had died in this room. Their bodies would be stuffed into black bags, whisked away in the night and re-appear as John Doe's never to be identified. The blood stains would be washed away from the walls, the carpet no doubt stripped and replaced with one that matched the original if they deemed it unable to be saved, the broken window's glass would be the easiest and fasted to be fixed. 

When had the window been broken?

One of his attackers had been inspired by the broken glass. He remembered spotting the man breaking off a piece still sitting in the frame. Then he felt the sharp end of the makeshift weapon piercing his skin.

"Better this way," he repeated again. 

He must have been approaching the fourth hour of laying there by now watching the world turn outside the broken window. The moon was large in the sky, larger then he had seen for the longest time, bright and shinning in the sky so beautiful it hurt worse then his injuries could. 

This wasn't such a bad place to die. 

The location could have been worse. A back alley with an evil snarl starring down at him. A gentle cafe with a bomb vest strapped to his chest. In a lions den with hungry lions still inside. Aged seventy and still living in his aunts basement living paycheck to paycheck dying.

"Better this way," he whispered to himself again beginning to think now he was only trying to just convince himself. 

The pool of blood beneath him had stopped growing. The wall propping him up didn't feel as cold as it had before. He wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not. Part of his mind argued it was something bad. Something he should be fearing but he didn't mind. It was a change to everything else he had been feeling the last few years. 

He wasn't scared of the inevitable outcome approaching him. 

He knew the second the slice of glass was pulled from his chest he was living on borrowed time. He was surprised he'd managed to last as long as it felt he had. Should he place a bet, he'd say the glass had stabbed one of his lungs, or perhaps even sliced near his heart, causing a slow and steady bleed. 

Their where worse ways to die that he had some how managed to dodged in the past. Ways that had left him with nightmares and scares he could barely stomach to look at. 

Breathing was beginning to become unbearable. He was close now. 

His head lulled forward and he glace back out to the shinning moon. Large and spectacular in the sky. Looking down on him with such brightness like he had never seen before. He was thankful for it's beauty to be the last thing he would get to see. 

He could barely keep his eyes open to enjoy the view now. 

"Better this way," he barely mouthed.

The rapidly approaching darkness didn't seem frightening in the slightest.

He welcomed it's arrival.

Took comfort in it's gentle embrace. 

If this was to be the end of his life then he was okay with that. 

He had't been a perfect man. He didn't know anyone who had been. But he had done all he could for others. In every way that he knew how he worked to better the world. 

"Better," he couldn't finish the sentence. Every spec of energy had left him. 

He'd been stopping himself from thinking about the team but now he couldn't stop himself. He'd be leaving them alone without a final word. No goodbye, no 'I love you's', no last smile. It would hit them so hard and he hated that he couldn't be there to comfort them. 

Yet it could have been one of them who lay here. It was better that it was him on his own then one of them. 

His head dipped low. Body becoming slack as if he were boneless. This was it. That moment he'd heard about when the mind knows the body was gone. 

At least the team where the last faces hid mind supplied him with. A warm feeling shifted inside of him even if he could feel nothing else beside it. 

"Better this way," was the final thought that filtered into Benji Dunn's mind. 


	2. Bloody Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're going to be okay, Benji."
> 
> "You can't promise that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt "Bloody Hands"

Engineers weren’t big on throwing items away that could be salvaged to be used on something else. 

At least most of the engineers that Ethan knew felt this way. There was engineer he knew who had an entire floor of her workhouse dedicated to all the pieces she’d recovered from broken items. She saved them there for when she could restored them, reuse them, and reallocated them into something better. Something that they may not have been deigned to do yet they managed to accomplish any way.

In her eyes all those parts weren't something to be wasted. They still had potential. All they needed was someone to take a little time, ingenuity, and skill and they were practically reborn. He once watched her take a busted car he'd totalled and some how turn it into a fully functioning coffee maker. 

The joy in her eyes as that machine she'd never give up on found a role in life. 

Ethan saw something in her he wanted to see in himself. An unwillingness to allow good things, in his case good agents, to give up when faced with an uncertain future. 

Even when one of those agents refused the help he tried to offer. 

"Has he said anything today?" He asked the nurse as they stood outside the small recovery room. 

He shook his head, "A few muttering under his breath. But he seems to just be staring at his bandages."

The two men looked into the room at the man who held all their concerns for the better half of a month. Three weeks ago something had gone wrong. Two weeks ago Benji had been transferred from the critical list to stable. A week ago he had woken up. Six days ago Benji had become catatonic. Everyday of those painful three weeks one of the team had been by Benji's side. Being sure the man knew that he had to keep fighting. That he couldn't just let go. 

"Can you try and get him to eat?" the nurse asked as he glanced at the full plate of food that had once again gone untouched. With a sad smile the nurse walked away.

Ethan stepped into the room, readying himself to salvage what was left of the man before him. No one had been able to break into the tight prison Benji had locked himself inside of. He would do nothing but stare down at the his bandaged hands a look of complete devastation played on his face every so often when it seemed life had returned to his eyes. 

"You should eat Benji," he said eyeing up the plate of cold roast. He wasn't sure if it had even been cooked before being plated. "Gotta get some strength back."

For the following hour he talked and tried to tempt Benji out. If Benji didn't eat on his own, the nurse would return and the torturous process of an IV being attached would happen. Every time someone attempted to place their hands near Benji's he would loudly scream in fear feebly trying to get away from them. Each time that would happen he would recall the screaming they had heard as they reached to the room Benji was trapped in. 

The screaming still rang in his ears. 

_His shoulder slammed into the door bursting it open. Before he could stumble inside the shocking sight before him froze his body in motion._

_Benji was still screaming in pain. So wild and scared. It chilled his blood and stilled his heart._ _He was strapped to a chair head trying with what little energy to get himself free. No amount of thrashing was working, to Ethan's eyes it only served to harm him further._

_It took an embarrising amount of time for Ethan to start moving again. But once he did he was headed towards Benji faster then a blink of an eye. He'd almost reached his side when Luther ordered him to stay back._

_"Don't!" Luther yelled holding his hands up to warn both Ethan and Brandt to not come closer._

_He pointed to the area around Benji, the odd colour of the 'water' that had been spilled there, and with a heavy heart voice declared,"Acid!"_

_As hard as he tried not too, Ethan found himself starring down at the blistering skin that covered the majority of Benji's exposed body. The most sickening of the wounds were on Benji's hands. The red, swollen, and blistered skin made a soft hissing sound he could now only hear as Benji's screams became decreasingly quieter and quieter._

Two degree burns across his body. Soft tissue bruising to his face, chest, back and stomach. Two bruised ribs. Left wrist dislocated. Third degree chemical burns caused by contact with an unknown acid to both hands.

The Doctors had told them how long it would take for most of the burns to heal. It would take him a long time to recover. There would be scares left over after the burns had healed, some small and barely noticeable others covering larger parts of his skin. He may never recover the use of his hands. Perhaps with some physical therapy and further surgery he may regain some move-ability but there where no certainties. Not to mention the toll the whole ordeal would have on Benji's mental state.

All of this had been said to them before Bejin had even woken up. Before he'd been able to look down at his bandaged hands, attempted to move them, and freaked out when he could not. Once they'd calmed him down he just stopped responding. Just stared down at his bandaged hands not seeing more looking though them.

It seemed Benji's attackers knew how best to destroy the man. 

But Ethan knew he wasn't a broken machine that couldn't be rescued. He wouldn't go to extent of the engineer but he wouldn't let a good man go without fighting for him to come back. 

"You'll get though this," Ethan said repeating the speech he had delivered to his friend weeks earlier. Accept this time there was more of a chance of Benji hearing what he had to say. "You're going to be okay, Benji. You'll... We'll find a way. This isn't permanent!"

He spoke with passion. With the determination that he always held. Leaving no space for argument. He knew his team knew their strengths and skills. 

"I promise we'll do everything we can to help you!"

He was about to say more when he heard something, someone, speak before he could. A soft barely recognisable voice drifting up from the bowed head. 

"Don't promise that," Benji almost commanded. It scared Ethan at how soulless the voice had become. But the fear was driven away by Ethan's gratitude to hear the sound once more. A sound he feared he would never hear again.

Fear took over the anger coating Benji's voice as he continued, "I can't move them. I can't feel them." 

"Benji," Ethan whispered all other words leaving his mind as concern consumed him fully. He moved as close as he dared to Benji being sure he wouldn't make contact by mistake. Benji didn't need a panic attack right now. Not while he was making some semblance of progress.  

"I can't use my bloody hands," Benji cried as he continued. Tears now freely falling down his cheeks. Chest heaving as his breathing became ragged and broken. "There's no reason for me now. They took that away from me." 

For the first time in three weeks, Benji's eyes met Ethan's and the true level of his whirling emotions became clear. 

"What's the point of me now?" He begged Ethan for an answer. For which Ethan had none. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually interpreted this prompt in two different ways. My other version will be posted to tumblr in the coming weeks if it's not worked into a different story. This was the hardest of the two in my opinion so of course I had to chose it. 
> 
> Also I will come back and edit a little. Just want to get these written and posted on the day. 
> 
> Please review, they help. x


	3. Don't Fall Asleep (Insomnia)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji can't sleep. Won't sleep. Must not sleep.

11:43 pm

If he managed to fall asleep now he could wake up before his alarm. He could take Que on a walk, get home to have a shower and visit the gym for a quick work out. He'd be able to feel a little more refreshed and cognitive enough to partake in the nine o'clock meeting that had been called at the last second. 

Mind set on the plan he settled back into the pillows. His head fitting perfectly in the dip he had created. 

Mind set on his chosen course. He prepared for sleep. 

He closed his eyes. 

_He was running. Running out of time. Running for his life. Running..._

His eyes shot open. 

...

12:29 am

He'd been starring at the ceiling now for thirty minutes. 

If he looked hard enough at the orange peel texture he could visualise a pattern. In one corner he could almost see a dragons head which he had named Peter. 

He sighed deeply feeling embarrassment deep inside of himself at his childish thoughts. 

He needed sleep. Desperately. 

He closed his eyes.

_The gun was heavy in his hands. The life he'd just ended didn't matter as the world started to burn._

_They'd failed and the whole world would have to pay for him not being quick enough..._

His eyes shot open. 

...

2.30 am

Listening to Que's soft breathing was starting to relax him. It confirmed to him that he was safe here. He was at home with her for company even if she could sleep easier then he could. Nothing bad could happen here, not when Que was by his side.

It wasn't that she could protect him. Days of action where long past for her. She would more then likely try to get them to stroke her or just walk away and sleep in a ridicules location. 

Currently he found himself with her head lain atop his bare stomach. He regretted kicking the covers away or not wearing a shirt now as the Que's dribble was very cold. This was one of the reasons his mother said no dogs on the bed. 

He smiled. One hand on her head the other behind his own. 

His eyes closed. 

_Someone was breathing down his neck. He could feel hands roughly pulling his own as rope tightened around them. It bit into his skin. At first loose then tightening until he felt his skin starting to crack._

_"Pathetic," someone snarled at him with a kick to his chest._

_Pain flared over him as another kick conected with his stomach. A cry escaped his lips..._

His eyes shot open. 

...

4:05 am

If his mind would turn off for even a second he could sleep for an hour and still get his morning routine done. 

Even if he over slept he wasn't needed at the meeting. Luther, Brandt, or even Ethan would fill him in on what he missed. He could blame not being there on a doctors visit. 

He couldn't do that though. Too many people would ask too many questions. 

Ethan would ask him too many questions and he would spill. He'd never been able to lie well to his friends. 

What would Ethan think of him if he learned the truth. 

He closed his eyes. 

_He could feel the bones of his fingers grind together as he clenched them tight._

_All he could see in front of him was the glaring eyes of a snake like man baring down at him._

_Fear gripped his chest. His heart was beating fast. He couldn't breath._

_Why couldn't he breath..._

His eyes shot open. 

...

4:49

He'd just managed to stop his heart from threatening to leave his chest when he made up his mind. 

He could survive another day without sleep. There was no purpose to even trying now anyway. If feel asleep now it would be a rush to get things done and be in time for the meeting. 

Rising from the bed and grabbing the nearest shirt he headed for the bathroom. Que lifted her head to look at him expectantly. He wasn't headed for the kitchen so she wouldn't bother moving. He envied her ability to fall back to sleep so quickly without a care. How he wished he could do that.

After washing his face he starred at his reflection in the mirror. When had his eyes gotten so dead? It wasn't Benji Dunn starring back at him that was somebody else. Someone whose eyes had heavy circles beneath them. Who had clearly lost weight in an unhealthy way. More grey hairs then he had a month ago. 

Who was that stranger?

Coffee. He needed coffee. Food was off the menu this morning. He wouldn't be able to keep any of it down even if he tried. Coffee though was something he could stomach though. Thick and black and strong enough to bring him back from the dead. His mug was already in it's right place. All he had to do was press a button and wait. 

This had to stop. He couldn't keep going on like this. His nights awake pretending to himself he'd try and sleep. Knowing he wouldn't try hard enough to let himself drift off. His change off appearance wouldn't go unnoticed by the others for much longer. He was already having to come up with lies that they'd not believed. His sloth like behaviour would bring concern to them all and there'd be more questions. He'd slip up and then before he'd know it they'd drag him to a doctor. 

What would happened then? Every time he contemplated the question his mind would come up with the worse case scenario. 

Eyes aching as he picked up the steaming mug and turned. He moved too quickly causing his head to spin the counter was the only thing to could reach out to before falling over. 

He closed his eyes.

_"My funny little friend."_

_Lane hissed next to his ear. The rope tightened around his throat cutting off his air supply._

_He was hanging in the air, his feet kicking out trying to find purchase on something to create some slack._

_Lane stepped back to reveal several people standing behind him._

_His feet found something to stand upon as he released who had joined him.._

His eyes shot open.

Somehow he'd managed to drop his mug and collapsed to the floor. Back leaning against the cupboard door its handle digging into his skin. Some of the coffee had splashed against his legs burning the bare skin. It should have been causing him more pain then he felt but his chest was heaving too hard for him to think about that. 

Hissing though his teeth, he clawed at the rope he swore was around his throat. 

Que appeared next to him, no doubt startled by the sound of something breaking, she was licking at his face trying in her own way to comfort him. He placed his hand in his short hair, puling her closer to himself.

"What do I do?" he asked her pleading. She wouldn't answer him. She just whined clearly becoming upset by his behaviour. 

There was a storm inside of him. Wanting to drown him every time he closed his eyes. He'd tried to hide from it. Refusing to let himself slip. But was human. He couldn't keep it up. 

He wanted it to end. He couldn't take much more of this.

He closed his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate insomnia. And I'm not too fond of this one either. I had the hardest time thinking of an idea for this prompt. 
> 
> Que is the dog I gave Benji in my story I Win. She's an old Basset Hound in case no ones read that fic. 
> 
> Please review, they help.


	4. Panic  ("No, stop!")

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's worry increases.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow up to Don't Fall Asleep.

The second Benji hadn't appeared at the meeting he knew he couldn't let things keep going the way they had. 

For the last few days Benji hadn't been acting like himself. He jumped at even the hint of loud noises. He could hardly pay attention to anything longer then a few minutes. And try as he might he'd not been able to hide the times he'd randomly black out and startle himself back to focus.

"Benji let me in," He knocked against the door frame again louder this time then he had been for the last half hour. "I know you're in so I need you to open up."

It wasn't that he'd not been paying attention to the changes in Benji. Or that he hoped they would go away before he had to take action. He wasn't entirely sure what it was that had taken him so long to step in and help his friend. 

He knew the Brit hadn't been sleeping. That much was clearly evident by the dark circles under his eyes. He was afraid that there was something more wrong then he was willing to admit.

"Seriously Benji, if you don't open the door I'm breaking in." 

He left Brandt, Luther and Jane back at the meeting to cover for both his absence and that of Benjis' apartment. Had the meeting been held by someone other then Agent Brayden the three of them would have come with him. Instead they had to stay behind to run interference.

The whole journey to Benji he spent swearing at his negligence. He should have acted sooner then he did. Not let Benji stew for so long without offering aid. He knew he broke several speed limit with his hectic driving but he didn't care about any backlash that would come from that. 

Que was whining behind the door. 

He knocked louder. "Benji!"

Que wasn't a dog who would cry like this. She would still chew up Benji's shoes if he didn't walk her. She would follow Benji around when she wanted food. She would even hide Benji's stuff when she got moody. But she didn't growl when people passed by the door. She didn't react badly to loud sounds. And she didn't sit by the door crying when someone knocked. 

"That's it," he said to himself taking a step back. "Benji I'm coming in!" He kicked the door once. Twice. After the third kick the door's hinges gave away and it popped open. Stumbling inside he took a second to steady himself before looking down at Que, "Where is he girl?"

Que had already started moving towards her master before Ethan had finished his question. 

He was heading towards the area he knew to be the kitchen. "Benji?" He stepped on something that crunch beneath his feet. Looking down he noticed the ceramic remains of a red and black mug. He recognised the pattern almost instantly. It was Benji's morning coffee mug. He moved quicker into towards the kitchen. 

Que was whining once again. Her feet padding against something that wasn't moving. 

Ethan stepped closer and then stopped still.

"Benji!" he yelled, quickly sliding to the floor and Benji's side. In amongst remnants of the broken mug, splashes of cold coffee, and speckles of blood lay the man he was concerned so much about. Probed up slightly against the cabinet door, Benji lay pale and bleeding from small cuts along his legs where he appeared to have been caught by the mugs shards. Eyes shut gently looking for all the world as if he were simply sleeping. But his breathing looked panicked and slow. Alarmingly slow.

The second his hand made contact with Benji's shoulder his friend's panic seemed to increase. "Please no, stop!" he cried as loud as it seemed he possible could. Pitifully he tried to move away from Ethan's reach. 

He knew he had to call for help, his fears confirmed that there was something much more worse then just a slack of sleep. He could spar no time cursing himself no more. Benji needed his help and he wouldn't waste another second before acting. 

Gently he pulled his friend into his lap, Benji feel limp as a rag doll seemingly having no strength to control his body. "It's okay," He said over and over while stroking Benji's damp hair back. "It's okay. I'm here Benji, I won't let anything happen to you. Not again."

"Stop," Benji whimpered again slurring the word. "Please. Make it stop."

Ethan spent the time between sending an 'SOS' and the time help arrived trying to comfort Benji's pained panic. Trying to keep his voice settled and even. Which he succeeded in doing, up until Benji's breathing stopped entirely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There needed to be some comfort in some of these. Especially after that last one. But I've not done causing Benji harm yet so. Sorry.
> 
> Little spoiler, this story with be continued in day 8's entry. So look out for that.
> 
> Thank you for reading, please review they help. x


	5. Tainted Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Poisoned
> 
> Benji fights for his life. Ethan sit by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follows on from the last chapter.

The room was too quiet without the sound emitting from the monitoring equipment. Without their sound he had to focus on the waving lines to understand how Benji truly was. That he was still alive despite the death like look his features currently held. 

The machines endless beeping had seemed to be uncomfortable for Benji to hear. Even in his deep unconscious state the sudden sounds would cause him to whimper and try to get away from the sound. Every time it happened, Ethan would speak nonsense to calm his kind heated friend. He started by talking about how much the team missed him, then went on to speaking about the latest nonsense that Agent Brayden had been throwing their way, then he'd just went to whatever he could think off. 

He had found Benji five days ago.

They'd been running tests to try and find out what was ailing Benji. So far they'd ruled out infection and disease but the full tox screen had yet to come back. All the usual drugs hadn't been found so the lab techs where running a much more intense screening. 

"Someone started a rumour you'd overdosed yourself," Ethan said with some bitterness. A small prideful smile spread across Ethan's face, "Soon as someone mentioned it to Brandt he punched them."

Ethan shouldn't be proud of the outburst. Or the fact that Jane had then threatened the agent with further harm if they even thought about getting Brandt in trouble. 

"One of the specialists think you've been getting dosed with something," Ethan began to muse recalling the words of the doctor. "They've not been able to find out what it is yet. But they will. I won't let them rest until they do."

He looked away, there was something else that the doctor had informed them. They were reluctant to give Benji anything other them simple painkillers. Until they discovered what kind of drugs where running though Benji's system, they couldn't risk introducing an overdose. Or something that would make things for Benji so much more worse. 

Back at Benji apartment he had had to perform rescue breaths to help his friend start breathing once more. At present he was managing to force enough oxygen into his body with the aid of the mechanical ventilator. So long as Benji didn't have another panic attack he wouldn't have to be forced to deal with the internal tube. 

Which they could only give to Benji in his current sate if they induced a coma. Something they were reluctant to do.

"I should have noticed." Ethan commented with a touch of inner anger. Starring intently at Benji's blank face. "Someones been poisoning you for days... and I didn't notice. What kind of lea..."

There was a knock at the door. 

Ethan looked up to see the two consultants, Luther and Jane standing at the door. 

"We have news."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this little plot would be concluded in Day 8, but then the idea for todays prompt left me and was replaced with this. I'll come back when I'm not too emotional turmoiled and do some editing and additions to this. Just wanted to get it written and posted before midnight. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please review they help. x


	6. No Other Choice (Betrayed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There had to be no other choices left. What other reason did they have to do this to him.

"They've left you for me." The man starring intently at him laughs. It's a bone slithering laugh that Benji knows, should he survive this ordeal, will fuel further nightmares. 

Once again his determination to get out of this hellish situation is revitalised. He didn't remember how he got here. The last conscious thing he recalled was being with their target and the team at the arranged meeting. Their identities were solid. No holes that could be picked though to reveal who they really where. 

"That's not how it happened."

Arguing verbally was his only defence. His body had been beaten. Even before he'd gotten to his full senses the ropes around his wrists had bitten though his skin.  

"That's exactly how it happened!"

There was a constant droning sound in the room. It had penetrated his mind long before he had opened his eyes. It never increased in sound not did it decrease. Change in note or pause. It burned his ears.

"They had no other choice."

He was alarmed at how calm he was. When he had woken up, he hadn't panicked in the slightest just simply looked around the room saw the man glaring daggers towards him and accepted it. That didn't mean that he didn't try to fight to get out, he caused his wrists to bleed further. His erratic movement had flared pain though him from his chest, he knew that pain for what it as. A broken rib. 

"Did they learn what a pathetic waste you are?" 

Benji hated this man. Hated him from the second they had been handed his portfolio of crimes. Taking innocent people from their loved ones, reconditioning them then selling them off to a highest bidder. It was blood chilling. Every word from the man's lips would just increase the level of loathing inside of Benji's mind. He wasn't the ind of man to wish murder upon others. Except this man. He deserved a long painful death. 

"They had no other choice."

Every word was forced and determined. Letting the man know he wasn't a push over. Not as weak as everyone assumed he was. He couldn't show weakness. Not anymore. 

"They did," the man smirked. "You gave them several other options that would have worked. And yet they did as I asked them. Gave you to me."

He was right. The second things had turned sour, Benji had turned to Ethan spit balling alternative solutions other then the one handed to them. Anything would have been preferable then the one he faced now. 

"Ethan wouldn't have made the decision he did if he thought any of them would work." 

This had to be the only choice they had. There had to be no other choices left. What other reason did they have to do this to him. Leave him in the hands of a man clearly wishing to only cause him harm. 

"Ethan didn't put up much of a fight to take you back." 

His arm was burning again from the spot he'd been injected at. The last thing he had seen before blacking out was the team turning away from him. He wondered if they had looked back to see him. Watched him be man handled into the van before driving off. 

"No choice."

He was failing himself. The promise to hold on as long as he could. 

 

"They might not see your value but I do. You're little life will fill the value of my bank account." 

Another laugh. Another chill down his spine at the thought of the mans intentions. The smile didn't budge this time. It stayed there as he made a mental calculation of what he would earn. 

"Do you think he's tired of saving you. Maybe he'll ask for a finders fee." 

This is how the man worked. Break down a victims mental strength and you could twist his thinking. Make them believe anything. Make them follow orders against their natural will. 

 

"No... He wouldn't."

Ethan wouldn't do that to him. He cared about his friends. And Benji was  his friend. Wasn't he?

"They betrayed you."

He shouldn't be listening. Should stop himself falling into the trap. 

"They betrayed you."

"They betrayed me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed this one. Think I might expand it some more one day. And make some edits here and there. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please review, they help. x


	7. (Kidnapped)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They, he, messed up. Benji pays the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story links into Bloody Hands. Technically this comes before the events of that story.

"How could you have been so stupid?"

Ethan swerved the car to cut another sharp corner. They where still forty minutes away from their destination. Twenty minutes behind their target. He had to make up that time somehow. Speeding as fast as the car they stole would take them, cutting though as many short cuts as Luther could find them, and mounting the curb every now and then to cut the delay down.

"I'm stupid, you're the one who piratically gave away Benji's location," Brandt hissed trying to keep the phone against his ear. Hissing into the phone, "Come on Benji, pick up!"

It was a pointless argument both men knew this. But it was a distraction from the rioting thoughts in their minds. Neither of them wanted to think of what would happen to their vacant friend should they not arrive in time.

Benji wasn't needed for most of this mission. He could act as their inside man at the company. Not only did he have the skill set they needed to pull information from the company data base but he was also the only one out of their two tech agents who could blend in easily. In Luthers words Benji was, 'able to go unnoticed in a crowd of Benji clones.' They'd laughed after that, Benji didn't find it funny but eventually he too joined in the banter responding back with a backhanded compliment of his own towards Luther.

"Benji's trackers been knocked out," Luther commented from behind them. He'd managed to salvage one of the laptops from the van before they had burned it. He'd been typing away at it even before Brandt smashed the car window. "Keep heading towards the office block."

They hadn't expected to find themselves like this. Racing against a threat they allowed to happen.

"What if..."

"No what if's, we'll get to him." Luther's determination, he wished, would influence the other two agents. Give them the hope they were losing. He knew Benji could take care of himself, he was a skilled fighter, but no man could win against an entire company out for blood. Especially one that was heavily armed. 

Brandt blamed himself for this. He knew he hadn't done enough research on the company or their employees. Should have run more names when they decided to send Benji inside. Checked to be sure there was no old vendetta against any of them from lowly security agents wanting a better position.

If he had they wouldn't have fallen into the trap. Shown all their cards in front of their target. Allowed them the chance to ambush them resulting in the van's destruction, Benji's location known, and a complete lack of resources.

By some miracle Luther had managed to get an alert to Benji. Letting him know it was no longer safe for him at the office. Nor was it safe for him at the ironically named safe house.

"How did they get so much on us?"

They were getting close to Benji. Or at least to the spot he had last been. They each had a tracker inbuilt into their phones for situations like this. They hoped they never had to use the emergency code like they had.

"I don't know," Luther hissed typing away at the laptop to control the traffic flow. Another lucky thing for them was the lack of police chasing them. "But they knew everything. And one of them sure had something against Benji."

The 'security guard' who had recognised Benji seemed to have a personal grudge against their Brit. Letting them know that he wouldn't let the man die slow for 'What he did to us'.

"They could alre..."

"We're not too far away. He should be close," Luther shouted interrupting Ethan.

Ethan didn't have to ask for any thing further. He could see just ahead of him a dead end street with a figure summed on the floor.

"Shit. Shit shit shit," Brandt kept hissing as he jumped out of the car. He was the first one to the side of the body, checking it over for signs of life. As soon as the body turned he let out a high and angrier expletive, "Shit!"

He stood and backed away. Ethan and Luther beside him instantly looking down at the corpse at their feet. 

There was a knife sunk deep into the man's chest with a Polaroid photo hanging limp with the blades aid. 

"We're too late," Ethan said pulling the photo lose. "They have him."

 


	8. Pain to Make You Sweat (Fever)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he can do nothing but sit by and watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continues on from where Panic ("No, stop!") and Tainted Waters left off.

As of late, he'd been spending an alarming amount of time watching people he cared about suffer. 

"It's not long now."

He was a master at finding ways to stop other people's suffering. He'd been doing it most of his life, for people he'd never really meet, yet when it came down to saving his friends he always seemed to fail and let them die. All he could do was sit back and watch as their suffering continued.

"You'll come back to us," he hoped that his voice was as calm as he was trying to make it. 

As far as he knew he was telling the truth. He'd had yet to be given any evidence to the contrary. And until he was given any other thought, He knew Benji was going to come out of this the same way he went into it. The hell his mind had been trapped in wouldn't keep a hold of him. 

At the doctors arrival to the room nights before he had felt hope blossom in his heart that the hell Benji had been though was soon to end. Then he continued listening to them. Learned what they had planned to let happen to Benji in order to 'Cure' him.  

"Let it burn out of you," he said the words bitterly the same way he had heard them. "Like it's the best thing we can do for you."

The doctor had said it was their only way. Any medication they gave Benji would be over powered by the poison in his veins. It was being considered a virus and the only mentioned the lab had found that worked was intense heat. Or in Benji's case a fever to burn the substance from his veins. 

Against Ethan's better judgement, he watched them introduce a secondary virus. Sat by Benji's side as the nightmares subsided and his heart gave out once more. His heart was a great concern for them now. It was working over time to keep beating as his body fought against the two fighting viruses. 

But it was working, the blood tests showed the chemicals he'd been dosed with were starting to decrease. Enough for them to get hopeful but not enough for them to take him out of it. 

"He's going to be okay," Luther promised. He'd been there every day trying to reassure Ethan his fears wouldn't come true. "He wouldn't let you down."

Benji's face was blank. There where no lines of pain. Nothing. On the first night it had been controrted in a grim twist of pain. Two nights later it just became blank. Featureless. There was still signs of pain every now and then. A soft whimper or moan escaped his lips. It was both the worst and best sound he would ever hear. 

"I don't want to lose him, Luther," Ethan found himself saying absently. "I can't. Not him."

He couldn't let this happen again. This was the last time he would ever sit by this way and watch someone he loved suffer. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best but hay. I've got plans to expand this plot into a bigger story. So watch out for that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please review they help.


	9. (Stranded)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Location: Middle of bloody nowhere.

Headache. Check. 

Bleeding. Stopped. 

Temperature. Arctic.

Engine. Knackered.

Location. Middle of bloody nowhere. 

There was no one to blame for this predicament other then himself. If he hadn't been determined to prove to himself his own worth he wouldn't find himself like this. Beaten up, bleeding in a broken down car, freezing his ass off in the cold air of who knows where. He shouldn't have taken this mission, should have insisted it was no more then a two person job. But everyone had been so certain it was easy. A mission most could do with their eyes shut. 

Leading the cursed IT refresher course looked like a holiday now instead of torture.

There was no one trust worthy nearby he could call for help. If he headed back to the cabin miles behind him it meant certain death. If he stayed here he would freeze to death the loose jacket he wore unable to fend off the cold. There where no bullets left in his gun, knife still sticking out of the chest of the man he stabbed before running for this car. He had nothing on his person nor that he could see around that he could use to phone for aid. 

He had to do this on his own. 

"Get moving Dunn," he motivated himself closing his eyes against the blinding white.

His head felt heavy against the steering wheel. A tacky leather cover with braiding dug into the skin of his forehead. It's pressure hurt but it was preferable over the ache of his mind. There was only a short moment of blacking out after the whack to his head. No blood peeked from the base of his skull, he was thankful for that, but the object did leave an unending ache.

There was nothing surrounding him but darkness. Darkness hiding everything within itself, trees, plants, bodies, hungry animals thinking he would make the perfect meal. But it was his only open option. 

Getting out of the car took more energy then he was willing to give over. He knew that was a sign of something bad. Yet his mind wouldn't supply him with a reason why.

"Twenty miles," he whispered trying to recall the distance he took on route to the cabin behind him. At least he thought it was behind him.

One foot after another he stumbled towards what he hoped to be a main road. 

The dark night sky loomed over him, mocking him with its calm against his growing panic. Twigs snapped beneath his steps, every break caused a jitter to run though him. No other sound or sight greeted him as he moved echoing the knowledge he was truly on his own. Had he been camping, or sight seeing, or even just walking his dog this would be pleasant and calming. Not the bleak and fearful emotions swirling though his mind. 

An uncountable amount of steps past before the fall happened. With no light source to guide his steps, his foot caught against what he suspected to be a log causing him to stumble forward hard and fast landing awkwardly on his already tender side. 

"Dammit," he cried out as the darkness around him for one quick second turned an almighty bright white. At the second his body made contact with the ground he felt the knitting fibres of his injury tear themselves apart. His hand already felt the burning blood begin to seep out. "Shit, shit, shit."

Rolling onto his back caused the pain to spread across his body. "Shit, shit, shit..." he repeated over and over as he lifted his head to peek at the bleeding wound. Somehow the fall had caused the wound to split open further causing the superficial wound to worsen. His hand kept slipping as he tried to push against the wound. 

 

He could feel no power anymore. As his blood seeped out of his body so did his fire to survive. He didn't want to try anymore. Didn't want to try and fight anymore. Try and survive anymore. Try and reach the waving light above his vision. 

 

This was just another sign of his exhaustion. His body finding itself too stressed out as it fought against his injuries, the cold, and the tiredness. He should fight. Shouldn't let himself give up like this. 

"Just a second," he reasoned releasing a slow breath. 

Something crunched on the ground near his head. It should have alarmed him more then it did, instead he was only alarmed by how un-alarmed he felt. The only other thought he felt was a great relief. 

'At least I won't die alone.'

 


	10. Too Many Marks on Your Skin (Bruises)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji tries to avoid Ethan. But Ethan needs to speak with his friend about his errors.

Trying to avoid Ethan Hunt was an impossibility. 

It felt almost like a ridicules game or hide and seek. Every hiding place Benji could think off Ethan was already there or seconds behind him. He tried hiding in the lab and perhaps getting some work done only for Ethan to step in and head straight towards him. 

It wasn't that they where playing any games. He just couldn't speak with Ethan right. So avoiding him was his best open choice. 

The problem was the man knew him too well. He could easily predict every move Benji would make and managed to stay one step ahead of Benji. 

He felt stupid. Acting like this, running and hiding from one of his best friend as though he as a school child. He was a grown man who shouldn't be resorting to these tactics so he didn't have to confront an awkward conversation. 

"Okay, enough," he whispered to himself deciding it was time to stop and face his friend. 

Slipping into the nearest meeting room, he didn't have to wait too long for Ethan to follow him inside. The two of them stood on opposite ends of the room. Awkwardly starring at each other neither knowing what they should say or when they should say it. 

Eventually it was Benji who spoke up first. Asking a simple, "Are you okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Ethan replied. He smiled sadly not letting his eyes travel over to look at Benji. 

Benji returned the awkward smile. 

They continued to stay silent. Not saying a word to each other out of fear they'd use the wrong words. Every few seconds Ethan's lips would part with the beginning of a sentence only for him to chicken out and shut his mouth. 

Every now and then he would get the courage to look up and peek at the ugly dark bruising around Benji's throat. The sickening knowledge that he was the one to cause that damage to his friend. 

Suddenly he spoke in a voice that was partly a scream partly a cry, "I'm sorry."

It was the third apology in as many days. The first apology came when the incident happened. The second was by text message when Benji didn't show up at work the following day. He suspected that if he continued to avoid Ethan at work the man would have showed up at his front door with the apology he'd just shared. 

"It's okay," Benji replied, hand absently going up to the bruising around his neck. "No harm done."

Ethan looks at him shocked. Colour returning to his once mortified pale cheeks. Emotions other then self hatred. "No Benji, I hurt you. Look at your throat, I did that." His voice rising the more he talked. He took a step towards Benji which made the man take an involuntary step back. Shock evident in his voice Ethan whispered, "Your scared of me."

"No...I'm...You," Benji started not being able to finish or even form the sentence correctly in his mind. 

Ethan took another step forward. This time Benji was able to force himself not to flinch. He stood there determined to not allowing himself to cause his friend any more alarm. 

"You weren't yourself." Benji whispered feeling the need to run and hide again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a bit vague but I kidna intended that. It'll be expanded on in future fics. Look out for Day 22, for a further explanation for what Ethan did to Benji. 
> 
> Please review, they help.


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